Your true nature being lost, everything becomes your nature; as, your true good being lost, everything becomes your good. ~ Blaise Pascal

It feels like now is as good a time as any to start a blog. This being said, this is my third attempt. I tried the first time when I was in my late teens when I felt like I had much to say about fashion and celebrities. I think my new found obsession with sites like perezhilton and fashion blogs by some girl-next-door, both of whom obviously went on to become celebrities in their own rights, had something to do with my inspiration then. I remember my first and only post being about ‘dressing for your shape’. Looking back I am not sure what I knew about dressing for your shape. Asian women come in two sizes short and petite or short and round. Pears, athletic, top-heavy, or bottom-heavy shapes hardly applied to us lot. The second time I attempted to start a blog was when I had started at my first job in Washington DC right out of college. This time I felt smarter, more mature, more experienced (I mean, the series of rite of passages one goes through in a liberal arts undergraduate school counts for something don’t you think). I tried to write about “life experiences”, I cannot recall much about the seven or so posts I had put up before I decided to stop, but one post in particular sticks out in my memory. One I think I titled something like ‘Generation Caffeine’. Of course it starts out with a short anecdote about me noticing the growing number of younger people standing in line to order their caffeine fix in Starbucks. I made a smart hypothesis stating the sudden need among young people to appear older than they are, consume more caffeine than we needed, just because somewhere in the back of our mind we had told ourselves that’s where we needed to be. I think the eighteen-year-old (I discovered this from the few pleasantries we shared while waiting in a painfully slow moving Monday morning queue) standing in front of me at my local Starbucks in Georgetown, on her way to an internship in the area, dressed in a too tight pencil skirt with a burberry trench and an air of mature smugness around her inspired me to explore this thought. Anyhow, the second blog was aptly titled ‘Persnickety Life’ or something along those lines.

Of course in retrospect you always seem to find flaws or notice things that make you cringe now about things you’ve done. A foolish person would take that to mean that you’ve grown or matured or become more intelligent from having read more (all three Fifty Shades books in two weekends, and a ton of Nicholas Sparks books). I am no longer that foolish person. My two failed blogging attempts can attest to it. Now in my late twenties I realize I am still unwilling (and confused to a great extent) to subscribe to any certain way of being. I don’t got my sh** figured out yet and I don’t feel the need to rush it anymore. Realizing things a bit later than one would wish for is a sad fact of life. Accept it. You know how sometimes you see these ‘What I would tell my 18 year old self’ pieces in the newspaper or magazines and its always some smart, beautiful, successful lady telling their 18 year old selves to just relax and enjoy life because it all turns out great. Well its probably true. For most of us probably. I mean I am no where near a place in life where I can go back and tell my 18 year old self to enjoy life because in a few decades you will be me, smart and successful me, and expect the frizzy haired 18 year old to high five me in contentment. I am just not there yet. But what I can tell her is that she needs to ease up on trying to be the kind of person someone at her age is expected to be. I spent a great deal of my youth (yeah yeah I am still young blah dee blah but just for emphasis) trying to be someone I would have wanted to be (but was just not). In my late teens, I just wasn’t an expert on fashion and trends, I didn’t particularly care if Britney Spears was caught exposing herself when she stepped out of her car outside some club (I think crotch shots a big thing at that time), and as I entered my 20s I tried to become this proper girl. I was constantly thinking about what people would say and if I would develop a reputation if I did something stupid (‘fun’ would be the world in retrospect) at a party, this I think is partially due to the fact that I grew up in a close-knit society where everyone bothered too much with everyone else’s business. I needed to realize then that despite all the ‘trying to be’ efforts, I might still end up in a ‘not sure who I am to be’ in my late twenties. Today I don’t bother with this too much. Stuff seems to happen to us whether we think its where or who we want to be or not. People will cross our paths and those who will judge do not have to cross your path ever again. You are not dependent on anyone else for your happiness. I am slowly realizing these things now, and while I might not be any closer to having myself figured out today than when I was an awkward little 18 year old girl, I still think that each time I discover things that are less important in life, it brings me a step closer to helping me understand and appreciate my life a little bit more.

And as a fitting title, I have decided to call my third and what I hope is my final blog, the Flibbertigibbety Blog – ramblings of a silly flighty person.


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