Do you ever wonder why we are so afraid of our own feelings? Feelings of love, fear, sadness, pain, disappointment, excitement, any feeling that isn’t your normal every day mundane sense of being scares the crap out of us. These feelings are just feelings. Just simple internal premonitions you’ve allowed to have such a strong hold over your entire being.
I often ask myself these ‘what comes first, the chicken or the egg’ type of questions to make sense of the way my life seems to proceed along. Strong feelings of any kind scare me to death (ironically, I am okay with the concept of death and dying. I accept it as an inevitable end to every living being’s existence. Said like a true Buddhist = so proud I pat my back = not so Buddhist to take pride in myself). I am one of those people who get very bothered by even the tiniest bit of feeling, whether it is feeling of regret or feeling of joy, either one is bound to keep me up at night. Then I sometimes have these moments where I ask myself, why must I let feelings – which by the way are of my own making – have such a strong hold over how my day (or days in some cases) is spent. I should be able to dismiss them just as easily as I make them appear in my psyche. Sometimes reminding myself that they can be controlled and done away with works even in the most difficult of situations, but then there are times they just consume me and I lose all sense of control.
Some ‘light research’ (which basically means I entered the term ‘feelings’ into google search) brought me to several sites explaining the importance of feelings. The thing that stuck out the most was this simple explanation, “the more we can align our feelings with a positive understanding of what they can do for us, the more we can try trusting them to carry us forward in our lives.” Put in these simple terms it explains that I probably focus on the negative aspects of feelings too much instead of seeing the positive. Even sad or painful feelings have some silver lining to it – usually a lesson to be learnt – which still counts for something, no? The thing about feelings is whether it is a good or bad one it teaches us something about ourselves and that is probably what I have been most afraid of, but also probably what I should learn to value most. Moving forward in life is just as inevitable as death, it will have to happen sometime, so I suppose its best I make efforts to be less intimidated by my own feelings and understand that feelings at the end of the day, no matter how grave or frivolous, are just feelings. They come to exist and eventually expire to my own making.