It has been a while since I’ve logged into my blog. I haven’t had the time, energy, or the mood to even read posts from my favorite bloggers, let alone make an entry of my own. Not to worry, I am well…….at least as well as I can be at this point. Things have been a bit chaotic in my life at the moment and as usual I retreat into a state of total despair as opposed to working through this with people I am close to. Most of the chaos has to do with some major decisions I need to make which will affect the rest of my life. Bad relationships have a part to play in this, and of course some unnecessary female drama has been the cherry on top. Sometimes I wonder if this quarter-life crisis thing we hear so much about is true.
From what I seem to be experiencing, a quarter-life crisis makes you feel like everything you’ve been doing till now has been absolutely pointless. You feel as if your talents and whatever greatness you might have been meant for is just withering away at your 9-5 (warning!: the illusion you begin to believe that you might have been meant for something so much greater is a side-effect of this crisis). You feel like a radical change needs to happen if you are to enjoy life again. For instance, if you are working in the corporate world, temptations abound to abandon the five figure salary to own and live on a farm growing organic vegetables and spending mindless hours at your typewriter; if you are an IT genius, thoughts of joining a traveling group of troubadours where you can finally focus and fine-tune your “talent” at the lute may tempt you. All of a sudden, you will notice that the happiest people around you seem to be the people who’ve abandoned their comfy, cushy jobs (and life) to become a struggling artist, or yoga instructor, or they’ve gone back to school to change their majors. And while there are those around you who’ve tried to seek that happiness and have failed miserably only to return to a lower position at the same company they once worked for 9-5, you will not notice these people and when they try to talk sense into you, all you see is their lips moving but the sound of your thoughts of where might be the most ideal place to buy that piece of land for farming drowns their words out.
I cannot tell you if a quarter-life crisis is merely the tip of a greater problem you need to address. Or if its an opportunity life provides so that you will be able to gather the pluck to go do what it is you really want to do (you know, whats going to make you a “great” person). I cannot tell you if this is a momentary thing or if today becomes the first day of the rest of your life, transformed and different from everything you’ve known until now. I cannot tell you these things because I am smack-dab in the middle of it myself. Every now and then I am able to step out of this illusion I’ve created for myself to look at things a bit more realistically but then I go right back to ‘how many horses I want to have on the farm’. Anyway, I need to get back to my friend’s moving lips, I think hes been explaining something about career development at the company, but all I heard were the neighing of my beautiful Andalusian horses 😉
Summary of the post: I am alive and well….albeit a bit out of sorts 🙂