embracing yourself, lessons, life, love, pep talk, thoughts, words

Self Pep Talk

Never be an afterthought
Not anyone’s fair weathered thing
Never falter in your own self worth
Not even if youre not standing

You yourself deserve your own love
More than anyone else you know
For in your own love there is commitment
In ways no one else will give you

You deserve to be the best thing
You deserve to be the only thing
You deserve to be the fighter
You derserve to be the winner

Never settle for anything
Not unless its what you want
Never accept anything less
Not until its what you demand

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contentment, embracing yourself, existential crisis, lessons, life, love, ramblings, thoughts, woman, words, writing

Finding My Ways

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I am at once so many different versions of myself. Yesterday I loved the way my hips swayed and the way his fingers pressed into my sides in heat and passion and love. Today I scrub a little harder under the duress-ed pressure of the hot water gushing through the shower head lost in thoughts of reprimanding. I may sometimes question your judgement a little bit, but I promise to be the one sitting across you in my Swiss wool socks ready to consume and comprehend the words you will spill in hatred and anger, or those lighter ones said in joy and pure innocent glee because I will completely understand the need. I will some days willingly guide you through the web of life the best way I can, and some days I will ask that you find in yourself the solutions to your problems you have always known but refuse to accept. Some days I will be angry. Some days I may smile. Other days I will be at once the fiery orange in my curly brown hair, wind-blown and unkempt, and yet press feather light kisses on your cheeks and your forehead in my summer peach lips to let you know I am here, always. Today you may find me voraciously reading guides on how to get ahead in life because I say that the go-getter in me needs to be nourished, forget contentment. And tomorrow I will wake up to prayers in praises to spirituality, to learn and practice compassion, to be simple and want simple, accepting that less really is more. Because, I am at once so many different versions of myself. Tomorrow I will love you fiercely, that overwhelming kind of love that leaves you dizzy like you’ve have one too many mint juleps on a hot summer southern morning. Balmy, dazed and incomprehensible in pleasure. But maybe I will be the ice, the winter gush pushing you back because foolishly I will believe I am no good for anyone. Some days are clear days. Some days I am lost.

Everyone talks about being true to yourself. But we are never just one version of ourselves to be true to. There lies within you and me, many different us, so which one do we choose to be true to. We are all at once givers and takers, of responsibilities, of dreams, of hopes, of support, and of love. Some days we need more than we can give. Other times we are happy being the one giving all we can. Circumstances have over the years created many different versions of myself. Yesterday I promised myself I will try to keep the light burning for them, to be the flicker of hope of what could be because I know what is right, I know what is best. Yet today I find myself committed to yesterday’s goals but frantically searching for the hinge on which I might peg my own being so I do not find myself lost in the same darkness. Because, some days are clear days, and some days I am lost.

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embracing yourself, life, love, moments, romance, stories, thoughts, twenty-somethings, woman

Simple Beginnings

“Today is January 1st, 2015. What do you want to do with your life this year?” she asks me smirking because I am notorious for making resolutions I cannot keep. I laugh inwardly because I know its true, I’ve always been one too ‘determined to lose a few pounds,’ ‘learn a musical instrument,’ ‘gossip less,’ ‘be more charitable,’ ‘do yoga consistently,’ etc. etc. It lasts exactly 1 month before I knowingly brush my “resolutions” aside because of my new found life motto of ‘being true to how and who you truly are.’ Everything is easily manipulated to suit my owns moods, needs, desires, wants, in this girl’s life. But not this time.

Today is January 1st, 2015 and I want things to be exactly the way they were when I was woken up this morning by an alarm set at 11:50pm on December 31st so that we are awake for midnight together. To find myself so determined to want to be doing something so that my superstitious self can revel in the mere fact that that apparently will set the tone for the rest of the year. I’ve had youthful drunken New Years after party hopping and dancing till my feet hurt, I’ve had comforting New Years surrounded by family delighting in each other’s quips, I’ve had memorable New Years spent making last memories with friends who I will lose before the year ends, I’ve had depressing New Years where I will find myself asleep before the ball drops after having had one too many glasses of wine, I’ve had adventurous New Years where I will find myself walking down the main-street of a great metropolis dressed in only a strapless dress and heels in –1° weather. So much laughter, tears, love, loss and yet, this New Years has been the most meaningful. I don’t know if it is an age thing or if its just my good luck….the simple joys of life I spent indulging in this New Years (where I have not made a single resolution by the way) has come to mean the most. I hope this does set the tone for the year. So that I will find myself constantly amused and amazed, loved and in love, laughing and screaming, eating and drinking, sharing and just being. This New Years I am thankful for life and all the wonderful people it blesses me with.

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My Journey……

“The journey between what you once were to who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place”

thismustbeunderwaterlove.tumblr.com

thismustbeunderwaterlove.tumblr.com

The beauty of my journey so far has been the constantly changing rhythm, the harmony, the symphony. Some last longer than others. Some I wish would finish quickly, while others I want to push the ‘Repeat’ button on. I sometimes do not recognize the person I become in certain situations but then I realize this version of me today has seen and experienced so many more things than the one I think I remember. That this version is more true in this moment than any other versions I’ve been in the past. Despite all my solipsistic ramblings I am grateful for everything I have been given. Some days it just feels right to appreciate our own journey of life for what it is, even if it is not exactly what you had hoped for, because as cliche as it may sound, it could be worse. So come rain or shine, I will put on my dancing shoes and dance to the beat, any beat, life throws at me. I did take 2 years of Jazz dancing in college, so you can imagine I will be pretty good at the dancing bits of life 🙂

 

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Dreams

dreams

But if they’re so scary, they are nightmares, maybe you’ve gone too far. Just kidding!

The only thing keeping me from pursuing my “real” dreams is the fear of attempting it and failing. Failing at something you didn’t really want to do in the first place is okay, but failing at the thing you have your heart set on just sounds disastrous. And that scares me. All the time.

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