embracing yourself, lessons, life, love, pep talk, thoughts, words

Self Pep Talk

Never be an afterthought
Not anyone’s fair weathered thing
Never falter in your own self worth
Not even if youre not standing

You yourself deserve your own love
More than anyone else you know
For in your own love there is commitment
In ways no one else will give you

You deserve to be the best thing
You deserve to be the only thing
You deserve to be the fighter
You derserve to be the winner

Never settle for anything
Not unless its what you want
Never accept anything less
Not until its what you demand

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embracing yourself, lessons, life, love, moments, woman

Happiness here I come!!!!!!!!!!!

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embracing yourself, existential crisis, lessons, life, love, moments, stories, thoughts, words, writing

Taming the Chaos in Reverie

Image: theclotheshorse

Image: theclotheshorse

“The thing to learn from this my dear,” she said, “is that even in perfection there are perfect invalidation. What begins must end, but what breaks apart will also somehow eventually come together. Such is the way. The existence of every sentiment, feeling, incident, experience, effort, thought, words, and everything else in between is makes up what is, your life, and mine. His life and hers. All the same. There is of course beauty in the beauty of momentarily getting caught up in life’s little quips and whims. It is what is thrown onto your path to make life worth living and appreciating. Don’t fear its capricious ways, don’t fear of being left hollow and alone at the end, don’t fear its spill overs, don’t fear hurt or hurting, don’t fear, don’t fear, don’t fear, my dear,” she said. “It is not this or that, it is not your reaction to survive the bitterness you’ve been trying to scrub away, but it is also not your genuine desire to be here, it is what happens when its meant to happen. You do not need to have it all figured out, ever! That is a requirement humans place on themselves constantly but oh-so-unnecessarily. Embrace the vagueness for once because no one is going to quiz you on how superficially you understood it in the end. No, no, it is just that, superficiality, because the thing about these almost perfect situations is that it has no bottom to measure its depth. It is only as deep as you pursue it. So many of us forget and tire of the pursuit so we create a bottom and claim thats as far as it was capable of going, but that’s not true my dear, it is as deep, as profound, and as extreme as you allow it to be. There is both beauty and ugliness in that. If you understand it, its perfect. But as I said when I started this conversation, even in perfection there are perfect invalidation,” she sighed. “Allow yourself to be happy, allow other people to be happy, it may not be your responsibility but it is possible. Your brokenness is not reason enough to stop it. Don’t fear, don’t fear, don’t fear my dear,” she said and disappeared back into the sleepy abyss from where I had dreamed her up.

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Creativity

Image via Etsy

Image via Etsy

An excerpt from something I read, that now sits above my desk scribbled on a fluorescent pink post-it:

“Creativity always comes as a surprise to us, therefore we can never count on it and we dare not believe in it until it has happened. In other words, we would not consciously engage upon tasks whose success clearly requires that creativity be forth coming. Hence, the only way in which we can bring our creative recourse fully into play is by misjudging the nature of the task by persecuting it to ourselves as a more routine, simple, undemanding of genuine creativity than it will turn out to be.” – Hirschmann

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Another End to an End

Juxtaposed in my head
Subconsciously, Unconsciously
I compare and he wins
I reassess and he loses
This battle worth its decade
Worn to threads but still existing

Drowning out the analysis in my head
His smile, mischievous but familiar
Our bond, fractured but constant
The love, not real but habit
I filter its contents
Through the webs of truth and my reality

Juxtaposed in my head,
Subconsciously, Unconsciously
This a lacking
But that an abundant
Not the best but still a loss
I hold on and then let go

Lingering on those small moments
A little melancholia, but relief
Some disappointment, but closure
The relationship, metamorphosized
Sentiments labeled
Then filed in the crevices of my memories

No juxtapositions, No wins, No falls, Normal.

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Which Woman

Image by Anka Zhuravleva

Image by Anka Zhuravleva

There is something in the way that she moves. There is always something in the way she half smiles before every single sentence. Or when you see her swallow before speaking, like you make her nervous. Or the sparkle in her eye, and the way they squint before she uses her words. Sometimes when you feel like life has been hard, or you wallow in the guilt of your sins, you simply find comfort in the strands of her hair. The fragrance of the so many lives sheltered under her age old ways providing a distinguished sense of support and protection. They say shes been around the block, but her effect on you isn’t in any way diminished. With every single life she decides to be with, her beauty intensified by that additional length. No amount of visitors coming in and going out leaving any kind of taint on her unprecedented purity. She feels like shes built for you. Her arms shaped to fit your form, to embrace you close to her heart and join in her breath. Every inhalation and exhalation your vigor, your strength, your vice but also your elixir. You forget her sometimes when you get caught up in yourself. But then on a down trodden day, a battled you will remember the shape of her almond eyes and her lips. The way she will always anticipate your return and remembrance. Unselfish in her ways of accepting you in any of your brief and inconsistent visits and remembrance. The porcelain skin across the nape of her neck, your portal to disappear into a space so much greater than yourself. There is something in her unselfish ways. She loves you always just as much as you selfishly love her in your desperation. 

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