contentment, embracing yourself, life, love, moments, thoughts, words

A Place of My Own

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There is this place I like to go to, it is my safe place; this place belongs only to me, it is where my heart beats; no stress, no pain, no words, no refrain; I can laugh, I can cry, I can think, I can sleep; this place it is mine and where my emotions keep. There is place I like to go, it is where I heal; this place belongs only to me, it is where I live; its warm, its loving, its honest, its giving; I inhale, I exhale, I love, I feel; this place it really is mine and where I shall forever breathe.

 

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embracing yourself, life, love, moments, romance, stories, thoughts, twenty-somethings, woman

Simple Beginnings

“Today is January 1st, 2015. What do you want to do with your life this year?” she asks me smirking because I am notorious for making resolutions I cannot keep. I laugh inwardly because I know its true, I’ve always been one too ‘determined to lose a few pounds,’ ‘learn a musical instrument,’ ‘gossip less,’ ‘be more charitable,’ ‘do yoga consistently,’ etc. etc. It lasts exactly 1 month before I knowingly brush my “resolutions” aside because of my new found life motto of ‘being true to how and who you truly are.’ Everything is easily manipulated to suit my owns moods, needs, desires, wants, in this girl’s life. But not this time.

Today is January 1st, 2015 and I want things to be exactly the way they were when I was woken up this morning by an alarm set at 11:50pm on December 31st so that we are awake for midnight together. To find myself so determined to want to be doing something so that my superstitious self can revel in the mere fact that that apparently will set the tone for the rest of the year. I’ve had youthful drunken New Years after party hopping and dancing till my feet hurt, I’ve had comforting New Years surrounded by family delighting in each other’s quips, I’ve had memorable New Years spent making last memories with friends who I will lose before the year ends, I’ve had depressing New Years where I will find myself asleep before the ball drops after having had one too many glasses of wine, I’ve had adventurous New Years where I will find myself walking down the main-street of a great metropolis dressed in only a strapless dress and heels in –1° weather. So much laughter, tears, love, loss and yet, this New Years has been the most meaningful. I don’t know if it is an age thing or if its just my good luck….the simple joys of life I spent indulging in this New Years (where I have not made a single resolution by the way) has come to mean the most. I hope this does set the tone for the year. So that I will find myself constantly amused and amazed, loved and in love, laughing and screaming, eating and drinking, sharing and just being. This New Years I am thankful for life and all the wonderful people it blesses me with.

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embracing yourself, life, love, romance, words

Simply Telling You

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And if I could tell you, through my unreasonable shyness and my antiquated values, just what I may have always wanted to say. And if I could show you, putting aside my fears and the self preservation, what physically translates into the words I struggle to find. You would know. That sometimes my heart does this thing, a rhythmic beating against its normal way. A sensation I dismiss only to find embraced. A gleeful smile across my everyday face. A fascination for every mundane exchange. All this and some, making me scarily happy. They say to find your soul mate, you need to discover your own soul first. The beauty of this is that in many ways you’ve helped me discover the depths of my own soul while being the soul mate I never believed existed. This is, once in acceptance, the greatest thing. This I believe is beyond just you and I. Because if I were to tell you, through the uncertainties and probabilities, just what it is this does to me. That sometimes my heart does this thing, a rhythmic beating against its normal way, a systemic shifting transforming me. Where it begins and where it shall end, we will never know. But whatever it is I will always be; grateful and indebted to have gotten the chance. To feel myself slowly becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be. But still if I could tell you, despite my timidness and trepidation, just what you’ve come to mean to me. You would know. That I love you, with no doubt in my silly mind.

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Precious

I found a bunch of my old poems and ramblings (I used to document my thoughts and ramblings even as an (self-diagnosed) alexithymic teenager – look up alexithymia thank you very much) in a nice old folder and thought I might share one.

‘Precious’ I think was initially intended as a nostalgic romantic poem by yours truly when I was a teenager, of course romance and nostalgia at that age are hardly reflections of the depth these emotions will carry once you get older but I still think I have done a good job with this piece, if not for its ability to conjure images in your mind as you read it, then perhaps for the fact that I was immediately reminded of this sweet young boy who for a few weeks of my life made me feel feelings.
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Precious

It was like a spark that lit in the shadows of the dark. One that lingers and sways with the moments that pass. I had discovered it, lost it, and found again. Reluctance abundance I moved forward. In hopes and dreams of no grand ending. I think that feeling was truly mutual.

We shared and shared with words unspoken. Moments of silence that loomed over our heads. I feared I should catch myself falling in vain. I learnt my lesson of a bubble broken. The disappointments were large with momentary tokens. He held me close but yet so far, I tried to speak, instead held my breath. Time would pass and leave us frozen.

For fear that he may choose it first. I thought of thoughts that left me hurt. In guilt and disheartenment I made the call. We shared our lives for a pigment light. A light that I shall fondly remember, but would soon realize it was really over. He was what he was and I hope he finds, all the joy and love in time.

 

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The Further Apart, The Closer We Long to Be

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Photo Art: Jarek Puczel (http://www.saatchionline.com/puczel)

The Definition of Love by Andrew Marvell

My love is of a birth as rare
As ’tis for object strange and high;
It was begotten by Despair
Upon Impossibility.
Magnanimous Despair alone
Could show me so divine a thing
Where feeble Hope could ne’er have flown,
But vainly flapp’d its tinsel wing.
And yet I quickly might arrive
Where my extended soul is fixt,
But Fate does iron wedges drive,
And always crowds itself betwixt.
For Fate with jealous eye does see
Two perfect loves, nor lets them close;
Their union would her ruin be,
And her tyrannic pow’r depose.
And therefore her decrees of steel
Us as the distant poles have plac’d,
(Though love’s whole world on us doth wheel)
Not by themselves to be embrac’d;
Unless the giddy heaven fall,
And earth some new convulsion tear;
And, us to join, the world should all
Be cramp’d into a planisphere.
As lines, so loves oblique may well
Themselves in every angle greet;
But ours so truly parallel,
Though infinite, can never meet.
Therefore the love which us doth bind,
But Fate so enviously debars,
Is the conjunction of the mind,
And opposition of the stars.
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